WHINE WEDNESDAY: Van Orden’s Twitter Use Wrapped
Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts during a week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for Whine Wednesday!
MADISON, Wis. — Van Orden has had quite the head-spinning week as evidenced by his 148 tweets. From anti-woke milkshakes to ICE in airports, you can find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence this past week below.
DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK: Markwayne Mullin
Derrick Van Orden couldn’t be happier about Markwayne Mullin being anointed DHS Secretary after Kristi Noem was fired. Van Orden celebrated his confirmation on twitter, calling Mullin his friend. And we know Van Orden has a really good understanding of friendship, just look at him and his friend Donald Trump — who he knows very well:
It is not surprising Van Orden is bending at the knee for whichever MAGA character is trending at any point in time, but it does give a bit of clarity. Good to know that Van Orden’s standard for endorsements is a guy who thinks the real problem in journalism is that not enough journalists are being killed.
REMINDER: Derrick, you’re a congressman now! Please stop with the weird uncle posts!
It seems Van Orden fell down a rabbit hole of watching engagement farm account videos. Van Orden replied to a video of a child allegedly receiving scoliosis treatment, asking, “Who id the doctor?” (no, that is not a typo)
Derrick Van Orden continues to tweet like your weird uncle after one too many Spotted Cows. Not sure in what universe a sitting congressman thinks it’s productive to spend his day replying to the most obvious engagement-bait accounts on the internet while asking questions no one asked — but somehow, that’s the timeline we’re in.
WORST TAKE: Van Orden wants ICE in airports
Since Republicans refuse to pass DHS funding, TSA has been understaffed, leading to more delays, but DON’T WORRY! ICE is now here … doing absolutely nothing. However, Van Orden vocally supports the President’s decision to send ICE to airports.
Can you imagine waiting for hours to go through airport security only to be greeted by an ICE agent who doesn’t even know if your shampoo bottle is TSA compliant? And somehow, this is the plan. Van Orden backs it even though TSA union workers are basically waving giant red flags saying, “This is a waste of money and will fix absolutely nothing.” Maybe ICE can take over Van Orden’s pizza delivery shift while he’s in D.C., because who knows how long that might be.
MAKE MILKSHAKES GREAT AGAIN: Anti-woke Milkshakes are back
Health care prices are out of control, no one can afford anything, gas prices are skyrocketing, but hey — at least we have anti-woke milkshakes again! That seems to be Van Orden’s newest talking point. Van Orden posted “Awesome” in response to a tweet about Steak n’ Shake’s 250 year America anniversary milkshake (along with a random photo of RFK Jr.?)
Fun fact: there isn’t even a Steak ’n Shake in Wisconsin — which you’d think Derrick Van Orden might know if he spent literally any time in the state he represents. But that would require being in Wisconsin, and apparently it’s much easier to tweet about milkshakes from D.C. and review a menu that doesn’t exist here.
TMI TUESDAY: Jock Itch 🤮
This week in things we absolutely did not need to hear from a sitting congressman — Derrick Van Orden hopped on Twitter this Tuesday and called a former NSA advisor “more annoying than a jock itch.”
Is now a good time to remind him that not every thought needs to become a tweet? Some of those can stay safely in the drafts — or better yet, never exist at all. But good to know Van Orden has a bright future ahead of being a spokesperson for Tinactin.
Sincerely,
DVO’s Whine Club
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