WHINE WEDNESDAY: Van Orden’s Twitter Use Wrapped
Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts during a week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for Whine Wednesday!
MADISON, Wis. — Derrick Van Orden had another head-spinning week, tweeting about his own Facebook comments, nursing a strange fixation of bald men, and somehow finding time for it all while staying silent about Justice-elect Chris Taylor’s major victory last night. You can find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence this past week below.
COMMENT ON DEMOCRATS SCOWIS WIN: 🦗🦗🦗🦗
Van Orden had nothing to say about a race that experts have called a massive indicator for the Wisconsin midterms. Chris Taylor outperformed Trump by 21 points, and we can only imagine Van Orden, along with other Wisconsin Republicans, is scratching his head trying to figure out why Wisconsin voters wildly rejected a campaign built on an extreme, right-wing agenda.
Van Orden did spend part of this past week loudly insisting that Republicans have absolutely nothing to worry about heading into the midterms, which makes his sudden silence on this particular race all the more curious. This is a man who has never once struggled to find something to say about anything and everything — and yet, crickets.
WEEKLY WEIRD: Facebook Comments
Perhaps Derrick stayed a little too hydrated at those European pubs, because he started screenshotting his own Facebook replies at weird hours of the night and parading them on twitter to try to prove to his followers just how unbothered he was. He even posted the same reply twice because nothing says “I don’t care” like screenshotting, posting the same thing across multiple platforms, and pathetically begging for validation from your supporters.
Call me old-fashioned, but I yearn for a simpler time when a congressman’s late-night — or in this case, early-morning — internet activity didn’t involve repeated, food-related references to male genitalia and digging up personal photos from a commenter’s Facebook profile. Apparently, however, that is asking far too much of Derrick Van Orden. Which, and I truly cannot stress this enough, YUCK. Thanks for ruining my favorite vegetable.
See examples of Van Orden’s posts:
https://x.com/derrickvanorden/status/2040369978189173179?s=20
https://x.com/derrickvanorden/status/2040354564222644235?s=20
https://x.com/derrickvanorden/status/2039969938345980077?s=20
https://x.com/derrickvanorden/status/2039943289093173291?s=20
DVO’s DADDY OF THE WEEK: Bald Men
If it wasn’t clear enough from Van Orden’s Facebook comment section, Van Orden seems to be crashing out again because of some bad press (thanks again, TMZ!).This week’s peculiar crash out fixation? Bald men. In not one, but two separate attempts at a gotcha moment, Van Orden went for the jugular by pointing out that his critics were, in fact, balding.
A few thoughts on this. First, Derrick Van Orden is a 56-year-old sitting United States congressman deploying the same insults a teenager might sling — insults most people eventually retire because they grow up. Second, and this is said with genuine concern: has Van Orden looked in a mirror lately? Because the whole bald-men fixation is giving “projecting unresolved insecurities,” and someone really should tell him it is not a good look. Or at least offer to take him to a wig store.
Sincerely,
DVO’s Whine Club
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