WHINE WEDNESDAY: Van Orden’s Twitter Use Wrapped
Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts during a week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for Whine Wednesday!
MADISON, Wis. —Van Orden has had quite the head-spinning week as evidenced by his 103 tweets. From begging Trump to escalate the war in Iran to spending his Saturday making AI images of himself, you can find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence this past week below.
DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK: Grok
Van Orden is embracing the rapidly growing presence of AI in the way only someone’s incredibly too online grandpa can. On Saturday night, Van Orden posted an AI generated photo of him seemingly picking weeds while an army storms the beach behind him, and we have a lot of questions.
WHAT prompt did he give Grok? Our money is on “Derrick Van Orden doing yard work during Normandy!” Also, WHY is he picking weeds on a beach? It could be the tree lines on the lakes in northern Wisconsin, but then also WHY is an active military there? Also — WHY is he fantasizing about himself on a beach with a bunch of fit men in uniform?
WORST TAKE: Let’s escalate the war!
Not sure what was in Van Orden’s coffee this weekend, but he went on a rampage on twitter, begging Trump to escalate the war with Iran, even going as far as to say that bombing is “the only thing they understand” in reply to Trump.
This tweet is one example of a larger escalation of rhetoric from Van Orden this week as he continuously called for increased military action. For a guy sitting behind a screen in D.C., not worried about having to budget for the record-high gas prices his war is causing, he sure seems hungry for as much devastation as possible. When cameras are around, he says he does not support boots on the ground — but then goes right back online begging for escalation.
BAD FOR THE BRAND: Speaking out against Epstein?
Just when we thought Van Orden’s bootlicking couldn’t get any worse, he found a new way to surprise us! Van Orden doubled down on his protection of Trump when it comes to the Epstein files — criticizing fellow Republican Thomas Massie for advocating for the release of the files.
This came as a particular surprise to this Whine Wednesday editor because Derrick Van Orden didn’t have to say anything. Like actually, nobody asked his opinion. But he just had to take the time to fervently defend his icon Donald Trump, because how DARE someone want to know whether or not the President of the United States is found throughout the Epstein files! We are truly clutching our pearls at the audacity of someone to ask these questions!
REPLY GUY: What about me?!
Our favorite reply guy is back and really, really, trying to be funny and it is just flat-out desperate. Like you know when you try to make a joke out of something you’re actually upset about? That was the vibe Van Orden was feeling this weekend when he was left off a list of “great patriots to follow” in Wisconsin. This exclusive list was literally just a following spree Wisconsin Republicans were doing on twitter.
Yup, that is a congressman who is “jokingly” offended that he was left off a follow spree list, almost like he is a 14 year old girl who runs a One Direction fan account, which, at this point he is basically a 56 year old man running a Donald Trump fan account. While Wisconsinites in his district try to figure out how they are going to afford gas and groceries, Van Orden puts his time and energy into upping his follower count.
CRAZY CONSPIRACIES: Van Orden Accused Democrats of Using Medicaid to … fund their campaigns?
After explicitly lying to reporters about cutting Medicaid, saying that he did not cut Medicaid despite cutting Medicaid, Van Orden admitted to cutting Medicaid (this is just as confusing to you as it is to us) but then had a GREAT reason for it.
Democrats are only able to fund their campaigns through Medicaid fraud.
What is he actually talking about? We would love for someone to explain it to us because genuinely this might be the most outlandish conspiracy he believes. We would also love to know what corner of the internet he had to go to to find that theory. He very clearly is too lost in his echo chamber of crazy to find real solutions for his constituents struggling to afford healthcare.
WAYBACK WEDNESDAY: “This is my butt!”
Frequent Whine Wednesday readers know that Van Orden has a bit of a fixation with people’s private areas, and that it’s been a pattern for years. Never one to miss a crass vanity opportunity, Van Orden just had to comment that a drawing of a man was an unauthorized image of his buttocks.
We’re sorry if this is crass, but we can’t imagine we are the only ones who don’t want to picture DVO’s more private parts, but you all know our motto: if we had to see it, so do you. If anything, we think we now know the source of Van Orden’s Grok-injected-military-men-on-the-beach fantasy.
Sincerely,
DVO’s Whine Club
