WHINE WEDNESDAY: Van Orden’s Twitter Use Wrapped
Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts during a week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for Whine Wednesday!
MADISON, Wis. —Van Orden has had quite the head-spinning week as evidenced by his 120 tweets. From complaining about the woke mind virus to being triggered by an instrumental song, you can find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence this past week below.
DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK: The woke mind virus
This week, Wisconsin’s hardest working congressman was, as always, laser-focused on the issues that matter most to Wisconsinites: defending them against the “woke mind virus,” and personally offering condolences to the world’s richest man over the “loss” of his child to the virus. His son — who is actually his daughter now — is alive and well. All she did was come out as transgender. Never one to miss an opportunity to suck up to his ultra wealthy mega donors, Van Orden just had to offer his condolences to Musk.
We are begging — genuinely, on our knees begging — for Derrick Van Orden to put down the phone. Just for one day. Touch some grass. Log off and actually talk to your constituents instead of complaining about the “woke mind virus.” This is not a pressing concern for most Wisconsinites. In fact, most Wisconsinites probably have never even heard of this phrase because it was taken from the depths of Twitter trolldom. Right now, many Wisconsinites are more concerned about paying for their family’s meal or doing the math to see if they can afford the summer road trip they’ve been planning all year. People who voted for Van Orden expected him to show up for them — not to audition as Elon Musk’s most devoted reply guy.
WORST TAKE: Trump is for the working class
Van Orden boldly declared that Trump made Republicans the party of the working class, and honestly, who are we to argue? Nothing says working class like asking for hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars for a ballroom. Or a nearly 2 billion dollar slush fund to protect the guys who beat cops on January 6th. Or hey, funneling billions of dollars into an illegal war that is making fuel costs skyrocket while simultaneously delivering tax breaks for the ultra wealthy by cutting Medicaid funding!
This is seriously what Van Orden is trying to sell to his constituents. They lose their healthcare coverage so a billionaire is able to get a tax break so they can buy another yacht. People can’t fill up their gas tanks because an illegal war Van Orden has rubber stamped is ramping up oil prices. Truly, the working class has never had it so good! Thank you Trump, Republicans, and Derrick Van Orden!
SNOWFLAKE ALERT: Van Orden is triggered by a song
If you follow Wisconsin politics, you’ve probably heard about Watertown, where the school board voted to remove an instrumental piece of music from the band’s summer concert because it was dedicated to a transgender activist. Students gave heartbreaking testimony begging to perform the piece that they had spent the year practicing. The board removed it anyway. And never one to miss an opportunity to bully minors, Van Orden praised the school board member who yelled at children as a “hero.” These are your heroes, Derr? Grumpy boomers having a meltdown over a song with no lyrics?
This is the same crowd that spent years screaming about cancel culture — and they just canceled a song for kids because they didn’t like who it was dedicated to. But honestly, not shocking. Van Orden can’t run on actually helping bring about positive change for his constituents because he has not done that. So instead he rallies behind school board members bullying kids because he knows culture war grievances are easier to sell than actual results.
WAYBACK WEDNESDAY: Take your own advice DVO
It is probably clear that the Whine Wednesday editors have (at times, begrudgingly) pretty thoroughly explored Van Orden’s SEAL Book of Man Twitter account, and on that account, Van Orden spent a lot of time telling people to get off of Twitter and to go live in the real world.
Derrick, we know you are reading this, so we will keep things simple: please take your own advice. Touch some grass, put the phone down, and hey — maybe even do your job and actually talk to the people in WI-03 that you are supposed to be representing. They deserve a representative that shows up, not one that spends his time subtweeting strangers online.
Sincerely,
DVO’s Whine Club
